Wow! Your story started off so well! I love your main character, the depth of her emotions, the glimpse you gave me into her mind, the connection I felt with her in what could only be a difficult situation. As I read your story, I wasn't sure it would be SF-enough for On Spec, but I hung in there to find out.
A great opening, an excellent introduction. And then... it kind of wandered off. It's as if you left out an important middle bit and jumped to the end, leaving me wondering too much. I know shit happened, but you've held the details so close to your chest, that I'm not exactly sure what.
I'd like to see you develop this story further. I won't buy it as it is, but you've intrigued me enough. I'd like your protagonist to be more conflicted, more motivated. I'd like to see the story reach a solid climax before the end. Don't let your end be a final reveal, with an 'it's all so awful' conclusion. Instead, show me some character growth. You're a good writer. You can give me so much more.
If you care to work on a revision, I'd be happy to look at it.
All the best - Susan.
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